A friend of mine reached out for help to correct a hitting behavior in her toddler. She wanted to find a gentle way of correcting, and all of her ideas hadnt been working. so one of the things I suggested was what i used to help my son see his own “less than ideal” behavior: videotaping one of his tantrums, and showing him after the fact. The idea is that once they see themselves, they can identify the behavior isnt acceptable, same as they would if they saw someone else do it. It gives them a chance to step outside of the equation and see it as an outsider.
But it got me thinking. I am less than perfecft and Ill admit it everyday. I sometimes feel guilty for calling myself a gentle parent, and sometimes I just have to say im striving for gentle parenting.
My BIGGEST problem is raising my voice. Its easy to get carried away and raise your voice in anger. As a child, you figure out that raising your voice gets you HEARD and it stays with you. And it is hard to break the habit. I feel bad about it afterwards and I have gotten better and better, and in the process have gotten better at arguing with my husband too 🙂
But after I gave her this advice about videotaping the hitting so her son could see it, aI began to think…What if someone recorded me and I saw it? I would be MORTIFIED. I KNOW i have gaps as a parent and have improvements that need to be made, and this is another reminder. Would I like to see these actions in action? no. I would HATE it.
SO I am working on keeping my voice down in all areas, including when I need someone from the back of the house. it takes JUST a moment to get up and go to talk to the person I need, and it isnt as grouchy and demanding as yelling back to them. I bet it would make my husband feel better too.
Just a thought. I cant seem to shake the thought that there is something I wouldnt want to see played back for me. and Im glad Im so dissatisfied with it.
more thoughts on this when im not holding an 18 month old and typing with one hand 🙂