I realized that I have written posts about Motherhood. but theres a whole other side to my daily learning and growing, and thats in Wifery. IT is a huge part of who I am currently, because I do it every day. I put a lot of energy and love into this part of my life. and It has accentuated my happiness on so many levels. This is my wonderful husband.
We met at work years and years ago. But until we spent time together outside of work, we had no idea what we were missing. We went out on our first date to a chinese restaurant. I remember having such little experience with a gentleman that I assumed we’d meet at the restaurant he had picked out. I remember his message clearly. “It’s a date, I’m picking you up silly.”
(Gosh he is SO handome.)
When he picked me up at 7 we headed down and it was a little awkward at first, but immediately we jumped into great conversation which took on immense depth as the night went on. I was on cloud 9 as we talked through our dinner and realized I didnt want it to end! He didnt either and I remember being so skeptical of him asking me back to his apartment to “check out a dvd he thought i’d like” but I went, fully prepared to shoot down an advance if it came to it. But it didnt. We just talked all night long and watched music videos all night. ALL NIGHT. it was 7am and I realized “I dont have my car or clothes for work!” he drove me home, and we were very excited for the dates to follow.
(yeah these photos are in no way in choronological order)
Fast forward to November 15th 2007: His birthday and our move in date to our first place together.
December 2008 and we are elated to introduce our wonderful Son.
in 2010 things were a little rough. We hit a patch that I am proud of, and we separated, another thing I dont regret. We fully prepared ourselves to go our separate ways. I moved 45 minutes north, we shared exactly 50% with our son, and honestly, I couldnt handle being away from either of them. I would stay often at his house he shared with my brother. And while we tried to move on and accept our current status, nothing worked out that way. 11 months after we separated we were back together. And we had learned so much it was as if we were able to grow spiritually, emotionally, mentally. he tells me “I’m so lucky to have back The One That Got Away. not many people can say that.” and he was right. we grew in that time, and we often tell people we dont regret it. we missed out on 11 months of memories, but the things we learned about how each other works in our lives wa priceless and something many married couples dont get to experience. Im forever grateful for it, as well as for the friendships and even the relationships we tried to get into during that time.
When we reunited we were better than ever, appreciated privacy and lowkey family time. We stopped committing so much to the public and really committed ourselves to each other, our family, and our future. We didnt cut ties or anything, just realized that sometimes life in the public eye isnt all its cracked up to be, and in many ways we had been.
In May 2011 we learned of our daughter growing inside and we welcomed her in February 2012. Her arrival, wrought with minor medical concerns brought a very challenging first year full of learning. learning compassion, patience, unconditional love and understanding and we grew this INCREDIBLE respect for each other.
In Feb. 2013 we got ourselves a puppy. Anyone who has ever had a high energy puppy knows what that entails. but shes sweet and loves our family and we love her.
Recently he took a new job in a new industry. a scary change we hope to be fruitful. But that process just added to our relationship.
We have faith. We look at struggle and think “we can get through it. we have our rock.”
We can get through these hard times. We work together. Love together. We give together. We live together. We hope together. We dream together.
People have asked me a few times how we made it work, especially after separating for so long and even goign as far as to date other people in that time. How did we not only survive the distance but thrive after it?
(Right before we came back together :])
I can only say that there are a couple of things I identify to our continued success.
1. When you have been without something that you love, and you happen upon getting it back, you can remember what its like without them, and you dont want that ever again. We know that our relationship is not immortal. It is not unbreakable. It is human in its form.
We are Human. and we know that humans fail. humans fall. and we try to protect that love.
(taken during our separation)
2. Every day, wewake up and consciously choose the other person. We dont go looking for somethign else. we dont envy others. we choose each other. we say, this person is my partner. my confidante. my best friend. We hold the same values and priorities. We have this amazing family that deserves us. and right now, we deserve each other. yet the best part comes in #3.
3: Each of us thinks we dont deserve the other.
We discovered this yesterday when I sent him a message explaining how appreciative I was of him working through this tough time at work and then coming home every day and giving me a big hug and a kiss, and the dinners he cooks. and the times when he draws me bubble baths with construction paper rose petals he cuts with my son, and candles and wine and a new cd. Times when he finds music he thinks i will like. nearly every morning when he makes coffee for me knowing ill be up within an hour of his departure. the time every day where he takes on the role of full on daddy so i can go to the gym early right after he gets off work. The times he tells me how beautiful he thinks I am, and remembers to hold my heart. as I explained this i tell him how thankful i am and how i feel that I am not able to fully repay him for it or be as amazing as he. he replies that he feels the same about me! about my Teaching our children and staying home with them while trying to continue my own education. HE thanks me for bringing home a new beer i think he will love (he is somewhat of a beer snob :]) or for writing notes for him in the morning to find before work. of sweet messages at work and for taking on a part time job to make a little extra money for our home. He says he appreciates the budgeting I do to ensure our bills are paid, money is saved for the impending rainy days, for quieting his worries with a slurry of “it will be okay. we will not fail”s. He thanks me for my support and reenforcing while he works and for any dates I can muster to get time for us.
We value each other and put specific and focused work on showing appreciation for those things that the other does so these things dont go unnoticed.
(5 year anniversary. I just had surgery to remove a uterine tumor, & he took me to fondue. :])
I dont mean to say that every couple who believes their relationship is iron clad and will last forever are naive, but for us, having seen what we have seen, we believe that it would be unfair of us to say that our relationship WILL last forever as if it is fact and not something we will work and walk towards. we believe that we must work for it every day and choose it everyday, to work TOWARDS it lasting forever. We compare the good relationship we had before our separation to the amazing and strong relatonship we have now. and we dont want it to go back to just “good”. we WANT this to last forever. and we know that takes us consciously working, choosing and walking to keep it where it is right now going forward. Today it has lasted today. tomorrow it will last tomorrow and at the end of Forever, I hope to be holding his hand and saying “we made it to Forever.”
(The photo above taken directly after our engagement. )
Im just lucky to have him. and I hope to always be learnign how to do this Wifery thing better. We are so so fortunate, so blessed, so lucky, so everything to have what we have after having what we had. I am just so glad I get to be the Wife to his Husband yknow?